Estranger

if you let me

hi.

i was suppose to write hello. yet i dread its first three letters.

i had the chance to go out alone yesterday. it was something special for i consider it a date--a bond with myself. it was not really an ideal time to hang out. it was already 7pm. and it was drizzling, plus i have colds and my head occassionally aches.

i like it that i am stubborn sometimes. oh, and snobbish too!

but i was afraid. what if out of nowhere someone would grab me and rape me, or something...you know. no one can really tell.

still, i rode a jeepney. i was not at all certain where to go.

but i stopped at SM. i almost freaked out when i saw groups of men in fatigue everywhere. i suddenly felt the need to be with my mom, or my lola...or my aunt--whoever!

i looked at myself at the glass in front of me to check if my body is still intact or if some parts might be missing... but i was fine; i knew i was.

i strolled around, almost dreamy. i happened to stop and read, "Dickies Eyes", tagged on an eyeglasses.

at last i remembered that there is such a thing as a smile. so i smiled and knew i was really okay.

and because i love coffee, i sipped two and one-half cups of it.

suddenly i wanted so badly to go home, take a shower, and sleep.

sleep--all i want.

yes, i did go home right after i felt the powers of coffee already consuming me. i took a shower, attemted to sleep again and again and again.

until i was too tired of trying to sleep that i forgot what happened next.